Quotes to Inspire You
Quotes from 2007 Quotes
from 2006
2010 Quotes
Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of them.
Epictetus
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December, 2009
It is the personal thoughtfulness, the warm human awareness, the reaching out of the self to one's fellow man that makes giving worthy of the Christmas spirit."
~ Isabel Currier.
November, 2009
Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; its when you had everything to do, and you've done it.
- Margaret Thatcher
October, 2009
Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours."
-Swedish Proverb
September, 2009
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
Pete Seeger
When my husband, Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to our insurance agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through the chore. She asked, "What are the age and make of the vehicle?"
Mark replied, "It's a '65 Ford." Apologetic about its desperate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil."
Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her computer and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark.
"Mr. Evans, our computers have a lot of automotive data," she explained, "but it's never heard of a Ford Fossil."
August, 2009
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference. Robert Frost
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around, and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
July, 2009
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
Mother Teresa
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day
of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the
groom wearing black?"
May/June 2009
Sandra was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing.
The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Sandra continued to try getting the car to start up again.
Finally Sandra gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her.
"I can't seem to get my car started," Sandra said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."
April, 2009
"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done."
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"
To which the first old guy says, "Don't remember, let's look for yours."
March 2009
Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
Mother Teresa
After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.
"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."
February, 2009
A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up all the back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables."
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December, 2008
I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.
One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away?"
November, 2008
Desire! That's the one secret of every man's career. Not education. Not being born with hidden talents. Desire.
Bobby Unser
Johnny's mother looked out the door and saw Johnny reading the Bible to his cat. She thought to herself, "Isn't that sweet? I will not disturb him and will let him continue to play with the cat."
Sometime later, Mom heard an awful noise and looked out the door to see Johnny trying to force the cat into a bucket of water. She loudly said to Johnny, "Johnny, what are you trying to do with the cat?"
Johnny replied, "I am trying to baptize him!"
His mom said, "Cats don't like to be in water."
Johnny replied, "Well, then he shouldn't have joined my church."
October, 2008
“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”
James Dean
Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.
En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"
The old man slowly looked up at him and then gazed out the ambulance window.
"Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
September, 2008
A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play.
Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."
Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"
"Yes, son, 100% polar bear. I'm 100% polar bear, your father is 100% polar bear, and all of your grandparents are 100% polar bear," she responded proudly. "Now go out and play."
Several minutes later he returns again. "Momma, you are absolutely sure that I am a polar bear? No mixture at all? I wasn't adopted? I really am 100% polar bear?"
"Yes, son, of course," she replied. "Why do you keep asking?"
"Because Momma ... I'm cold!"
July/August 2008
Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa explains the history of white settlement of his country like this:
When the white man came, we had the land and he had the Bible.
He said, "Let us pray," so we all bowed our heads, closed our eyes, and prayed.
And when we opened our eyes, lo and behold, we had the Bible and he had the land.
But you know, we got the best deal!
June, 2008
One day after a nasty streak of bad weather, I asked my teenage son to take our dog for a long walk after school.
When I came home from work, I found my son stretched out on the recliner, watching television.
He had leash in hand while the dog trotted happily away on the treadmill.
June, 2008
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of her son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
"Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."
The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?"
May, 2008
"Put yourself in a state of mind where
you say to yourself, "Here is an opportunity for you to celebrate like
never before,
my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever is
necessary."
Anthony
Robbins
Flying home after
visiting her daughter in England, a woman arranged to have her husband
meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C., airport. This meant a stop at
the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where her
husband was asked, "What is your reason for entering the country?" and
"How long are you planning to stay?"
He replied that he was picking his wife up at the airport after her
trip to England.
Without missing a beat, the guard asked two more questions in the same
business-like tone: "Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers
on the table?"
April, 2008
"As long as you derive inner help and
comfort from anything, keep it.
Mahatma Gandhi
It was a terrible
night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets
were deserted, and the local baker was just about to close up shop when
a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown
inside out, and he was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But
even so, he still looked wet and bedraggled.
As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels
to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for
Bernice."
"Bernice is your wife?" asked the baker.
"What do you think?" snapped the little man. "My mother would never
send me out on a night like this!"
March, 2008
"Dance like no one is watching,
sing like no one is
listening, live like there is no tomorrow!
After school one day,
a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his
afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me
today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."
The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest,
dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?"
She just said, "Thank goodness!"
February, 2008
Knowledge comes,
but wisdom lingers.
Sunbathing
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned
secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of
her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second,
she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she
slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she
heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so
she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the
flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from
running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the
roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing
suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked
rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm
covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're
lying on the dining room skylight."
January 4, 2008
One semester when my
brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an
art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for
a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and
submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so
poor.
The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were
incorrect.
"The head is too big," the professor explained. "The shoulders are too
wide, and the feet are enormous."
The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He
took one look at my brother. "Okay, A minus," he said
December, 2007
It is Christmas
in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.
W.T. Ellis
Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor
was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of the church.
Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only
way to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and
crawl over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters.
Concerned for my husband's safety, I waited in a pew.
Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were congregating in the
vestibule. They paid little attention to me, probably assuming I was
praying.
Worried about my husband, I looked up toward the ceiling and yelled,
"Sam, Sam, are you up there? Did you make it okay?"
There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when Sam's hearty voice
echoed down, "Yes, I made it up here just fine!"
November, 2007
Sal, a pilot for a
major airline, carries his running clothes in a
backpack, freeing his hands for his luggage. On one trip, he told me,
he noticed passers-by grinning at him in the terminal. Sal smiled back.
Maybe some of them were on my last flight, he thought.
His ego was brimming until he got to the cockpit and stowed his bags.
That's when he saw the "Parachute" sign his co-workers had stuck to his
backpack.
September, 2007
YOUNG PILOT
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound
cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a
field during the nighttime.
Instead of making any official
request to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field
lights off and replied: "Guess where!"
August,
2007
I shall be telling
this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
What
Will You Do For Golf
July,
2007
Kind
words can be
short and easy to speak
but their echoes are truly endless.
Mother Theresa
To be able
under
all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue;
these
five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and
kindness.
Confucius
Fishing License
A couple of
young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten
track. All
of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one
of the
boys threw his rod down and started
running through the woods like a
bat
out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half
mile, the
young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to
catch his
breath,
so the Game Warden finally caught
up to him. "Let's see yer
fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out
his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well,
son,"
said the Game Warden, "you must be about
as dumb as a box of
rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there,
well, he don't have
one."
Many
persons have a
wrong
idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through
self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
Helen
Keller
50th
Anniversary
With a
couple
celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon,
the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some
insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
November, 2006
"The joy of a spirit is the
measure of its power."
- Ninon de Lenclos (1620 -1705)
Answering Machine Antics
- Hi. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
BEEP.
- Hi. I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, well... BEEP.
- If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we
probably aren't home, and it's safe to leave us a message. BEEP.
- Now I lay me down to sleep. Leave a message at the beep.
If I die before I wake, remember to erase the tape. BEEP.
- Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you
are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough
money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are
a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. BEEP.
October 2006
"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest
of my life."
- George Burns (1896 - 1996)
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to
meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about
you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next term--in her biology class."
October, 2006
"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at
things."
- Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)
A couple of young boys were
fishing at their special pond off
the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of
the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started
running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden
was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped
and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so
the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin'
license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his
wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well,
son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of
rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he
don't have one."
September, 2006
"He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh."
- Koran
September, 2006
"The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."
-John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes
were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill,
saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first
notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
July, 2006
"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and
not giving it."
-William Arthur Ward
While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a
greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and
asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?"
A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. "One
means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"
June, 2006
"Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses."
-Confucius (551 BCE - 479 BCE)
Reputation is what you are in the light; character is what you are in
the dark.
May, 2006
"Examine what is said, not him who speaks"
-Arab Proverb
A man was recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling.
The man replies, "I'm alright, but I didn't like the FOUR-LETTER-WORD
the doctor used in surgery."
The nurse asked, "What did he say?"
"OOPS!!!"
March, 2006
"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."
-Bertha Calloway
Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of
arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady,
almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When
her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly,
emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held
high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to
the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in
half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
"Gave me a longer cane."
February, 2006
"To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am."
-Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965)
People who think they know everything can be a real pain in the neck to
those of us who really do.
January, 2006
"Leadership is based on inspiration, not domination; on
cooperation, not intimidation."
-William Arthur Wood
After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to
each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I
challenged.
"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."