Saskatoon Informal Caregiver Centre

Saskatoon Informal Caregiver
 

Quotes to Inspire You
   Quotes from 2007   Quotes from 2006  

2010 Quotes

Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of them.

Epictetus

______________________________________________________________________________________________

December, 2009

It is the personal thoughtfulness, the warm human awareness, the reaching out of the self to one's fellow man that makes giving worthy of the Christmas spirit."
~ Isabel Currier.

November, 2009

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; its when you had everything to do, and you've done it.
- Margaret Thatcher

 

October, 2009

Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours."
    -Swedish Proverb

September, 2009

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
Pete Seeger

 

When my husband, Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to our insurance agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through the chore. She asked, "What are the age and make of the vehicle?"

Mark replied, "It's a '65 Ford." Apologetic about its desperate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil."

Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her computer and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark.

"Mr. Evans, our computers have a lot of automotive data," she explained, "but it's never heard of a Ford Fossil."

August, 2009

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by,
 and that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost

 

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around, and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

 

July, 2009

 

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
Mother Teresa

 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?"

May/June 2009

We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.
Samuel Johnson

Sandra was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing.

The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Sandra continued to try getting the car to start up again.

Finally Sandra gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her.

"I can't seem to get my car started," Sandra said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

April, 2009

"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done."

Harriet Beecher Stowe

 

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"

The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"

To which the first old guy says, "Don't remember, let's look for yours."


March 2009

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
Mother Teresa

 

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.

Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.

"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."

He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.

"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."

 

February, 2009

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
Martin Luther King Jr.
US black civil rights leader & clergyman (1929 - 1968)

 

A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

December, 2008

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.

One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away?"

November, 2008

Desire! That's the one secret of every man's career. Not education. Not being born with hidden talents. Desire.
Bobby Unser

 

Johnny's mother looked out the door and saw Johnny reading the Bible to his cat. She thought to herself, "Isn't that sweet? I will not disturb him and will let him continue to play with the cat."

Sometime later, Mom heard an awful noise and looked out the door to see Johnny trying to force the cat into a bucket of water. She loudly said to Johnny, "Johnny, what are you trying to do with the cat?"

Johnny replied, "I am trying to baptize him!"

His mom said, "Cats don't like to be in water."

Johnny replied, "Well, then he shouldn't have joined my church."

 

October, 2008

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

James Dean

 

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.

En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"

The old man slowly looked up at him and then gazed out the ambulance window.

"Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."

 

September, 2008

 

The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.
J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, 1997

 

A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"

"Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play.

Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"

"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."

Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"

"Yes, son, 100% polar bear. I'm 100% polar bear, your father is 100% polar bear, and all of your grandparents are 100% polar bear," she responded proudly. "Now go out and play."

Several minutes later he returns again. "Momma, you are absolutely sure that I am a polar bear? No mixture at all? I wasn't adopted? I really am 100% polar bear?"

"Yes, son, of course," she replied. "Why do you keep asking?"

"Because Momma ... I'm cold!"

 

July/August 2008

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

 

Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa explains the history of white settlement of his country like this:

When the white man came, we had the land and he had the Bible.

He said, "Let us pray," so we all bowed our heads, closed our eyes, and prayed.

And when we opened our eyes, lo and behold, we had the Bible and he had the land.

But you know, we got the best deal!


June, 2008

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
US novelist (1923 - 1999)

One day after a nasty streak of bad weather, I asked my teenage son to take our dog for a long walk after school.

When I came home from work, I found my son stretched out on the recliner, watching television.

He had leash in hand while the dog trotted happily away on the treadmill.

 

June, 2008

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can:
all of them make me laugh.
W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973)

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of her son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.

"Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."

The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?"

 


May, 2008

"Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself, "Here is an opportunity for you to celebrate like never before,
my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary." 

                                                                                                                                                                                                             Anthony Robbins

Flying home after visiting her daughter in England, a woman arranged to have her husband meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C., airport. This meant a stop at the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where her husband was asked, "What is your reason for entering the country?" and "How long are you planning to stay?"

He replied that he was picking his wife up at the airport after her trip to England.

Without missing a beat, the guard asked two more questions in the same business-like tone: "Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers on the table?"


April, 2008

"As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it.

Mahatma Gandhi


It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted, and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and he was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so, he still looked wet and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Bernice."

"Bernice is your wife?" asked the baker.

"What do you think?" snapped the little man. "My mother would never send me out on a night like this!"



March, 2008

"Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, live like there is no tomorrow!

 

After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?"

She just said, "Thank goodness!"


February, 2008


                                                              Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.

Lord Tennyson             


Sunbathing

 Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way  up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun  when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out  of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a  bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see  me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."





January 4, 2008

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967), (attributed)

One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.

The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor.

The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.

"The head is too big," the professor explained. "The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous."

The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother. "Okay, A minus," he said

Return to Top


December, 2007

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. 

W.T. Ellis


Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of the church.

Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only way to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters.

Concerned for my husband's safety, I waited in a pew.

Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were congregating in the vestibule. They paid little attention to me, probably assuming I was praying.

Worried about my husband, I looked up toward the ceiling and yelled, "Sam, Sam, are you up there? Did you make it okay?"

There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when Sam's hearty voice echoed down, "Yes, I made it up here just fine!"


November, 2007


"The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows."
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)


Sal, a pilot for a major airline, carries his running clothes in a backpack, freeing his hands for his luggage. On one trip, he told me, he noticed passers-by grinning at him in the terminal. Sal smiled back. Maybe some of them were on my last flight, he thought.

His ego was brimming until he got to the cockpit and stowed his bags. That's when he saw the "Parachute" sign his co-workers had stuck to his backpack.


September, 2007

It's never too late to be who you might have been.
George Eliot
English novelist (1819 - 1880)



YOUNG PILOT

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime.

Instead of making any official request to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"

The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"



August, 2007


I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by,
 and that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost



What Will You Do For Golf

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:

First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."



July, 2007

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.

Mother Theresa




At the end of their first date, a guy takes the girl home.  Emboldened by the night, the guy decides to try for the first kiss.  With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?"

Horrifed, she replies, "Are you mad?  My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on!  Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please.  Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her:  "No way.  It's too risky!"

Him:  "Oh please, please, I like you so much!"

Her:  "No, no and no.  I like you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can.  Please?"

Her:  "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you..."

Suddenly, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she say, "Dad says go ahead and give him a kiss.  Or I can do it.  Or if need be, he'll come down and do it.  But for crying out loud, tell hime to take his hand off the intercom button!"



June, 2007

We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.
         
          E.E. Cummings


SKYDIVING

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits--yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"




          May, 2007

To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue;
these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness.


Confucius


Fishing License

 A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten  track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started

running through  the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath,

so the Game Warden finally caught  up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid  fishing license. "Well, son,"

said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

Return to Top

  April, 2007  

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
Nelson Mandela
Return to Top


March, 2007

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Helen Keller
blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

50th Anniversary
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister asked him, "Trips to where?"
"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China," the husband replied.
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary."
Brother Ralph: "I'm going back to get her."

Return to Top



November, 2006
"The joy of a spirit is the measure of its power."
    - Ninon de Lenclos (1620 -1705)

Answering Machine Antics
- Hi.  I'm David's answering machine.  What are you?  BEEP.
- Hi.  I'm probably home.  I'm just avoiding someone.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, well... BEEP.
- If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.  Otherwise, we probably aren't home, and it's safe to leave us a message.  BEEP.
- Now I lay me down to sleep.  Leave a message at the beep.  If I die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.  BEEP.
- Hi.  This is John.  If you are the phone company, I sent the money.  If you are my parents, please send money.  If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.  If you are my friends, you owe me money.  If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.  BEEP.

October 2006
"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."
      - George Burns (1896 - 1996)

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next term--in her biology class."

October, 2006
"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."
      - Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)

 A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten  track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through  the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught  up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid  fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

September, 2006
"He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh."
      - Koran

September, 2006
"The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."
       -John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

July, 2006
"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
       -William Arthur Ward

While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?"
A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. "One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"

Return to Top

June, 2006
"Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses."
       -Confucius (551 BCE - 479 BCE)

Reputation is what you are in the light; character is what you are in the dark.

May, 2006
"Examine what is said, not him who speaks"
        -Arab Proverb

A man was recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
The man replies, "I'm alright, but I didn't like the FOUR-LETTER-WORD the doctor used in surgery."
The nurse asked, "What did he say?"
"OOPS!!!"

March, 2006
"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."
        -Bertha Calloway

Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
"Gave me a longer cane."

February, 2006
"To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am."
       -Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965)

People who think they know everything can be a real pain in the neck to those of us who really do.

January, 2006
"Leadership is based on inspiration, not domination; on cooperation, not intimidation."
       -William Arthur Wood

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.
"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."

Return to Top